Last year, I attended a retreat the weekend before Valentine's Day.  The speaker was one of my favorites.  And, logically, his theme for the weekend was love.  One session, he talked about how we are nothing without love, and we can do nothing for Christ's kingdom without it.  His messages spoke to me at the time, but as I look back, I can see how God was using this retreat at the beginning of the year to prepare me for things I would face in the future.

After the first night, some creative individuals posted red hearts with Scripture verses about love all over the camp.  When the weekend was over, I took one of the Scripture hearts with I Corinthians 13 written neatly onto it.  I brought it home, hung it in my room, and made a point to read it every morning before facing the day God had planned for me.  I also made it a daily prayer to ask God to teach me how to love, something I don't think we as humans can ever truly understand the depth of.  Little did I know what the coming months of the year 2000 would hold!

In the summer, I worked with children who seemed unlovable in so many ways, but God taught me how unlovable in His eyes I am without the blood of Jesus. 

In July, the Lord placed a relationship in my life that I thought would last forever.  God's love was displayed numerous times through my boyfriend. 

When school started, some of my friendships were scarred with hurt and  pain and I just wanted to walk away from them, but God showed me His scars of love and reminded me He's never walked away from me.  Toward the end of the year, my relationship with the man I thought I would someday marry began a downhill spiral.  I was furious for allowing myself to love him in a way  I've never loved a man, and I was hurt that one of my best friends no longer wanted my love.  I didn't understand, but God did.

You see, throughout the year, God answered my prayer to teach me about love, although it wasn't quite in the way I wanted.  I would've liked it if He'd just given me people to love who were easy to deal with, or who at least accepted it and were grateful when I extended my love to them.  But, though painful, the lessons I learned were priceless.

God came to me in the midst of broken relationships, bitterness, and pain, sat down next to me, assuring me He knows exactly how I feel.  He knows what it's like to give the gift of love and have it be rejected, for each and every day, His very own children try to make it on their own leaving behind the one and only thing that can get them through.  Each and every day, the gift is still offered, and it's still rejected.  Each and every day, I break the heart of my Savior.

Looking back on my prayer journal of 2000, I am able to see extended periods of time wehre the Scripture reading for the day impressed lessons of love and patience upon my heart.  I noticed that not long after these times in my journal was when the hardest situations hit.  God used times of happiness to prepare me for the times of sadness.

Sometimes love is rejected and despised by those who need it most.  The only example needed for that is Jesus Christ.  The very meaning of love is in this Savior, yet He was despised, rejected, and hurt by those who needed His love the most.  Still, He thought of us above all.

At times, I catch myself still trying to sort out events of the past and trying to understand exactly what it was He wanted me to learn from it all.  Most often, I don't find the answer.  But one thing I have learned, is that it is only when we give love wholly, whether it's accepted or rejected, that we are able to experience the true depth of God's love for us.  It's not until we let ourselves become vulnerable, that Christ's love can enter in and do wondrous things in our own lives.  And, it's not until we experience rejection and hurt from the ones we love, that we can experience God's comfort and compassion in a way we never have before. 

Who knew that a retreat, a simple prayer, and the events of one year could allow me to experience God in a deeper way than I ever have in my 18 years of being a Christian?

What will you ask God to teach you this year?