Staying Pure...For Her
The Difference Between Love and Lust
By Travis K. MCSherley

A popular trick in the world today is to use the terms "love" and "lust" as interchangably as words like "car" and "automobile."  It doesn't really make a lot of difference if you call the Corvette in your driveway a "car," an "automobile," a "vehicle," etc.  If you call it a "truck," though, then you're giving an incorrect impression of  your mode of transportation.  Such is the problem with "love" and "lust."  The word "lust" tends to give off a negative impression (and it should), so we like to substitute the word "love" in its place.  This leads to all kinds of problems.

What is probably the main justification that couples use when they have sex before marriage?  "Well, we loved each other, so why can't we show that love?"  That may be a difficult question to dispute.  I mean, most couples probably do love each other at that point in the relationship.  Looking back on the story of Jason and Brittany last month, they clearly were deeply in love with each other.  Jason even hinted that he intended to marry Brittany at some point.  So, the next question is: is sex the only way to show love to someone?  Is it the best way?  I give a very strong no to both of these questions.

Last month's article ended with the conclusion of the story of Jason and Brittany.  Before closing the door of her apartment, Jason said to Brittany, "I love you too.  That's why I'm going home now."  This might have left some concfusion.  If he loved her so much, why didn't he stay?  This is where the difference between love and lust enters.  The fundamental difference betweeen the two is not so much the emotion produced, but where that emotion is directed.  Let's look at each more closely.

Lust is defined as an intense or overwhelming desire.  When searching for definitions and meanings of lust in the Word of God, I noticed a peculiar thing.  Whenever the Bible describes lusts, it seems to always add something to point it back to the person with the desire.  "Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves" (Romans 1:24).  "Lusts of their own hearts."  Similar phrases are used many times throughout Scripture.  Romans 13:14 says, "But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof."  Lust is a provision for flesh or body.  Whose flesh?  The one who is lusting.  Do your own search through the Bible and see where lust and the "flesh" are mentioned.  The problem is spotted quite easily: lust is selfish!  Everything about lust regards fulfilling MY desires, gathering MY needs, fixing MY dilemmas.  In terms of sex, lust is about gaining MY pleasure.  But wait a minute, didn't we learn last time that sex involves two other persons?  You bet it does.  But where do they fit in lustful situations?  Nowhere.  Does that mean that sex is bad? Let us continue.

Love, on the other hand, corrects the mistakes made by lust.  One of my favorite passages in Scripture is John 15,  where Jesus outlines how and who we are to love.  "This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.  Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends" (v. 12-13).  Does anyone ever lay down their lives in the name of lust?  Not so one would notice.  The reason for that, as mentioned earlier, is that lust comes out of fulfilling our own desires, and most of us don't desire death in the same way.  Contrast this with love, and we see that love is always about the well-being of others, be it God or people.  This means we must place our desire to please God and others (love) far above our desires of fame, fortune, or pleasure (lust).

This does not suggest that love can never be enjoyable; in fact, it should be a wonderful feeling to make someone else feel special or cared for.  But as Paul outlines in I Corinthians 13, love can also require suffering and patience.

Jesus tells us that we are to love others "as I have loved you."  What big shoes to fill!  With nails ripping away at the skin and nerves in his hands, he lifted his head and saw all those who had rose against him.  He saw into their hearts; he saw the hearts of people that would be born later still rejecting His promise.  Yet He died for each of them, and each of us today.  Wow.  Truly, "greater love hath no man" than that!  Love between a husband and wife or girlfriend and boyfriend needn't be much different.  Constantly in relationships, we are asked to sacrifice our own desires for the benefit of our significant others.

Lust is what kept Jason in Brittany's apartment so late in the night.  He was not wrong to have a passion and desire for physical intimacy, but lust caused him to act upon it.  Only love could make him get up and leave, though.  His own desire became quite clear.  If he were to make the decision based on his own wants, he would have easily given up his purity in that moment of passion.  It might have have produced horrible results, but lust doesn't think about that.  Lust says, "Give ME what I want NOW," while love insists on being patient and thoughtful.

Lust is easy to fulfill.  Love may be very difficult.  Lust revolves around me.  Love focuses upon others.  Lust destroys purity.  Love enhances it.  Lust brings immediate pleasure, but often catastrophic results.  Love may seem tiresome and challenging, but it always provides greater rewards in the end.  My challenge to everyone (specifically singles) is to save sex for marriage because of love, not in spite of it.  But just a minute, how can not having sex be an expression of love?  For whom am I staying pure?  Stay tuned...